I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
