Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
