I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
