if i can run in heels then i can drive
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
