That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
