Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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