I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
