Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
