Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
