I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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