I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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