Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
North Korea, Best Korea!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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