just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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