he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
