whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
