He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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