this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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