Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
