What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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