We won't sleep together?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
