so explain again why im purple
no
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
