This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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