I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
