we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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