Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
