dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
