I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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