I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
