Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
