i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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