Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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