We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
