Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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