I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
