the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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