wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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