Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
