I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
