u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
