They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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