My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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