tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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