I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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