Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
