if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
