I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
