I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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