So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
