anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
