lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
