I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
