dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
